28 Apr 2008

Citizenship Test 101

1. My adopted country sells Eurofighters to a repressive Arab state.
(a) I tell the Chinese off for selling guns to Robert Mugabe
(b) I tell the Iranians off for making Weapons of Mass Destruction
(c) What? What? Free Tibet! Free Tibet!
(d) The Zionist kaffirs deserve it

2. I am very poor. But my Prime Minister wants to tax me more. I:
(a) Rejoice because it is not, like, 100000% inflation
(b) Oblige - because bankers deserve my support during the credit crunch
(c) What? What? Biofuels! Biofuels!
(d) Death to the Infidels!

3. I am very rich. I accused the Establishment of murdering my son.
(a) But it is a conspiracy! She was pregnant!
(b) I should have paid the Russian oligarchs to protect him
(c) I deserve my citizenship for exposing the Truth
(d) I will get my citizenship for exposing the Truth

4. I'm designing a Citizenship Test for my adopted country. I must:
(a) Make the candidates waste time by memorising pointless facts
(b) Pass the über-rich, but not a certain Egyptian tycoon

(c) Treat the candidates as cash cows for milking
(d) Switch off my intellects

5. I failed the Citizenship Test. I must:
(a) Have sufficient money for the return journey
(b) Practice my swimming and sky-diving skills before the Deportation
(c) Survive tortures/bullets/lions/sanctions to repeat the Test
(d) Save more money in anticipation of fee inflation