Science Faction

One supposes that if you're in the science/technology business, at times the line that separates fact from fiction is extremely ill-defined. I call this Science Faction. It's much more fascinating than British tabloids. Here's a taste of things to come:
* Human/Chinese Hamster Hybrid
* Monkey Lift from the Max-Planck-Institute for Biological Cybernetics
* Security scanner that reveals the ultimate naked truth

Here's an urban myth from the healthcare sector. A pharmacist friend from an NHS mental hospital in London reported that Management has imposed the casual dress code on the staff. Hence you can't really tell the doctors, patients, nurses, cleaners, visitors, etc apart from one another. So everyone appears equal. Furthermore, patients are referred to as "clients". A true celebration of Corporate Newspeak! =)

An Extension to the 5Cs Theory

Prerequisite: An understanding of Singaporean culture.

Lemma: If a bloke can exhibit an utter lack of Character, Charisma, Charm, Creativity and Communication skills YET still attracts lots of birds, most likely he has acquired the "original" 5Cs, i.e. Cash, Condos, Cars, Country Club membership and Credit Cards.

I pitched this theory to two Cambridge PhDs and none objected. We were sober albeit fully stuffed with dim-sums. So there must be a grain of truth to it. Challengers? =)

Overture

To appreciate the grand debut, you need to switch back and forth between English, Cantonese, Japanese, Hokkien, Singlish, Mandarin Chinese, German and French. An awareness of global current affairs will help too.

Jackie Chan: Who am I?
Penang Hokkien fish: I am Who.
Singapore Hokkien fish: But am I not a He?
Jackie Chan: Ah, I see Who is He, but He is also Ye!
Chinese cuttlefish: And I am one You Ye!
Singapore fish on Mandarin crash course: I was told Who is Void, hor.
Jackie Chan: Why?
Sashimi salmon: Moshi moshi!
Shanghai hairy crab: Way... way? Hello.
Cantonese shrimp: Har har har.
Penang Hokkien prawn: Heh heh!
German fish: Herr who?
Penang Hokkien prawn and fish: That's us!
European-educated Penang Hokkien fish: Nein! Herr Who, c'est moi.
Dyslexic crap: What a load of carp.
Yankee wing commander: Yeeeeeehaahhhhh!
*KABOOM!*

All were pulverised into fish chowder during that precision strike, except Jackie Chan. The pilot was never tried for poissoncide. Conspiracy theorists speculated that:
* It was an unfortunate collateral damage incident. Period.
* The smart bomb's Kalman Filter couldn't cope with the posterior density.
* It was a Preemptive Strike -- the CIA smelt something fishy in this unholy gathering involving American allies, the Chinese(!) and the Malaysians(!!).

In any case it would be unpatriotic to question the pilot's action. Jackie got over it and remains an actor, by the way.

The End. Finito. Grazie.