At last! The Merchandise!

Hmmm...

Workplace Conversations

S: Hey, I learnt the Spanish word for "idiot".
G: That is?
S: Tonto. Tonto! Hugo Chávez says Mr Bush is a tonto.
G: Tonti is nicer. Tonti is a small tonto.
N: Isn't Tonto the Lone Ranger's horse?
G: Tonto's the Indian. Politically incorrectness from before my time.

...
S: Finnish monsters won the Eurovision contest.
A: Doubt if they donned monster suits.
S: 'course not, they're all like that in real life. At Nokia too.
A: Clever trolls and elves¹ make our phones.

...
S1: So you place your sandwich on the dead body. It absorbs sin. Osmosis.
S2: How long before it soaks up the sin?
S1: Don't know. Villagers pay you to eat it. You won't be popular though.
A: Sin eating² sounds like a good job!

...
S: Are you allowed to do the 2-finger salute at police officers?
D: Nope.
A: I thought it's OK if you're polite. Just don't sound threatening.
S: Yeah, I'd use "please" and "thank you".
D: Nope. Musn't touch an officer either. It's criminal assault.



***
¹ Penguins too. A brilliant but suicidal lot.
² Sin eating is a cardinal sin, by the way. Catholics be warned.

Sick Man Freud

Igor read Freud
and got his brain fried
Igor's still unemployed
Recruiters never replied

Igor's not young und he's 'fraid
his pen is not mighty enough
headlong he charged and forayed
but penetrating academia remained tough

***

Supper, Igor!
Boomed the unnamed Father
Come down I won't beat you Igor
C'mere right now you mother @#$%er!

...

Father stormed up and smashed the door
and dropped his cleaver on the floor
He's very aware of the unconscious Igor
in a crimson puddle, gooey gore galore

Sick man Freud
You corrupted Igor and me wife!
accused Father who felt annoyed
by his failure to castrate Igor alive

Now how can id be right
that Igor commited suicide?
For the school of Freud
theorized incest and patricide!

Crime

What's da big fuss what's my crime
mused the Nigerian spammer
you preach Globalization all the time
so what if I fleeced a baby boomer

They loved me when I was paying tuition fees
but not as a job seeker with qualifications
We're just bloody economic refugees
fit for deportation to 3rd World nations

You speak of crime and punishment
pray did you administer
farm subsidies and malnourishment
to your buddies who blitzed Westminster

We're poor buggers in the global market
what with our diseases so exotic
why bother you can hit your profit target
by treating the obese and the diabetic

You're PC you're sorry you feel guilty
for occupation torture and slavery
but our crime is that of poverty
so we must be punished while you walk free

Reindeers!